Friday, May 22, 2009

Am I a Sinner?


I AM a Sinner.

I am selfish, I am unkind, I struggle in finding my faith in difficult situations, I don't always love, I can let pride rule over my decisions, I am lonely & don't always look to God for comfort in this, I am not very gentle, I choke when defending my Heavenly Father, I don't always know the best way to seek peace in situations, I greatly struggle with self-control, I am overly emotional, I worry waaaay to much, I have low self-esteem, and I don't always live life experiencing joy.

God created me to be perfect, in his image, and I have chosen to be otherwise. After so many years of sinning, it is hard for me to look back to how I acted as a child, when I was more pure. I would follow authority more readily, I had a joy for simple pleasures, and I didn't expect much, so was very thankful towards others. even though I cannot return to that life, he has blessed me with a bit of my childhood innocence, through my daughters. I am making careful note of examples of how my daughters can help me to live a better life:

  • 3 year old Sage saying that if Satan doesn't listen to God, that she doesn't want to live like him.
  • 5 year old Sophie asking to giveaway her money she has gotten from chores over the past few weeks. I asked her if she didn't want to save a little longer to buy a toy from the store? "No, I have 13 coins, and want to share every one of them!"
  • Sophie telling me, "I want to do your work for you because you are working hard. Let me take this over for you "(grabbing the washcloth out of my hand)
  • When I've been in a hurry to put them to bed, and forget to pray with them, Sage will gently say, "Mama, let's pray before you leave, please?"
  • Sophie has been offered sugar before (she has sensitivities to it) and will gently say "no thank you" because she knows it will cause her harm
  • When one is given something, and the other not, the first will usually ask if there is any more for the others. The reason for this, is that they will (most of the time) be breaking the item in 3's to share if there is no more.

We all have fallen short of the glory of God, me being one on that list. My girls are not angels, and do not always behave with the above mannerisms. However, they have not been living in sin as long as I have, so they may give in to goodness quicker than me. I CAN and DO learn from them everyday.....I re-learn the simplicity that God created for us to live in.

So, as I live in sin while crying for mercy and forgiveness,I thank the Lord that he made provisions out of sin! He sent us Jesus, who lived the life we all were SUPPOSED to live, by living without sin. Jesus CAN and DOES wash away our sin. I experience an enormous release when I choose to pray and ask for forgiveness....a release that ties me no more to those thoughts and burdens I feel when I'm carrying around my guilt. Does this mean that I don't struggle with sin each and every day? No, it means I can forgive myself because God forgives me--it gives me a clean slate to begin each new day with!

I am going to sin again today. I will also sin again tomorrow. This gives me incredible guilt and sadness to know this. But, I look to my Savior for strength in getting through each and every day that I sin, because he will help to release the burden that accompanies this sin. Thank you Jesus for your love and protection for me from myself!

Acts 13:38 Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.

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